One Candle

The big day is here folks - today is the day that Living On A Jet Plane turns one. I hope someone other than me cares. The past couple of posts have drawn a depressingly low number of comments from readers. Specifically, none so far. Lurks, take the hint. Leave a mark, please.

Anyway, as you might imagine this is a date I had looked forward to with some anticipation. And of course I considered a bunch of different topics for this anniversary post. Such as how I started this blog with no clear idea of what it would turn into. Well, I still have no idea. I also considered writing about what the past year has been like, or what I have learned from the other bloggers who have slowly but steadily made an imprint on me. But then I thought, who gives a s#!t?

So instead of wasting everyone's time in some navel-gazing indulgence I decided it would be so much better to celebrate the utter pointlessness of Caitlin Myers' professional life. She's an economist(!) who has conducted extensive research to show that coffee shops in the Boston area discriminate against women by serving them more slowly than men. In fact, the scumbags make their female customers wait an extra 20 seconds!

That's right, folks. Savour the thought. In a world where it takes 20 seconds just to place your order, several minutes to be served, and possible another half an hour or so as you slowly sip your coffee down to the bottom of it's styrofoam haven, some people are robbed off 20 seconds of their lives by sexist baristas. I'm outraged, and I hope you are too. I bet the good people of Massachusetts will now organize a Boston Coffee Party where they will throw into the harbour assorted baristas, economists and short lattes.

Inevitably I started wondering about all the things that a person can do in 20 seconds. If you are Michael Johnson you can run 200 metres, set a world record, and have time left over for a quick wave to the crowd. But for the rest of us, more mundane options must suffice. Such as watching the YouTube video of Michael Johnson setting a world record. I should point out that one of the less-appreciated things that you can do in 20 seconds is throw a sheep at someone on Facebook.

In fact Facebook opens many 20-second object-throwing options. There's sheep-throwing, cow-throwing and now that Christmas is merely six weeks away there is also turkey-throwing. I hear that on St. Patrick's Day they plan to introduce dwarf-tossing.

But back to the subject of coffee, gender bias and irrelevant academics, let me honour Ms Myers with a sonnet (for no better reason than that earlier today I tried and failed to find a copy of Vikram Seth's The Golden Gate, a brilliant novel/poem written entirely in sonnets).

The Ballad Of The Slow Roast

I left home before the sky turned blue
To go to work to earn my bread
I had no time at home to brew
So at Starbucks I'll make a stop instead

It's cold and dreary this winter's day
I woke chirpy; that mood's gone away
But the smell of beans is cheering me up
Oh how I long to hold my own cup

Damn! The barista's torn my temper in tatters
By serving an ugly guy in horn-rimmed specs
In the same time as me, minus 20 secs
I must calm down, focus on what really matters

Like remembering to congratulate Mahog
I know! I'll leave a comment on his blog!

Could I possibly be less subtle? :-)