Lament
We live embedded in a mosaic of people. It is much more than the sum of its parts, nevertheless some of the parts are more essential than others. And when they change, the mosaic changes utterly.
Sometimes unexpectedly...
The one who you took for granted would always be there. Adamant. A silent, reluctant inspiration. A role model despite never seeking to be one. When that piece is removed from the mosaic, suddenly you realize how fragile the rest of the pattern is.
Sometimes with sickening inevitability...
When you know things will not be the same again, when you watch the time pass by knowing that the change you dread is inexorably grinding towards you, when you hope wistfully that it will not come and at the same instant you can feel your spirit flag, and in your mind's eye you see the mosaic ripped apart a hundred times with sickening finality.
And then?
And then you tell youreself you're unbreakable, that new bonds will be created amidst the gnarled skeletons of the old. You tell yourself that you will dust away the debris like you've always done before and a new mosaic will take shape.
But still,
But still, in a corner of your soul, there is an ache. Will it go away?
5 comments:
May the moment never come, thus hopes a fellow-in-dread.
And when it comes, may it be overcome swiftly, with gumption, and with all the force that is life itself.
Thus prays a well-wisher.
uh oh. At the risk of sounding like someone who's whistling at the opera- what I came here to say was- you are tagged.
Ha! Funny I read this post today because today exactly these 2 things happened to me! And I've been telling myself the whole day that it doesn't matter and that I'm stronger than this... but maybe there will be a remnant of that hurt somewhere! But burying it is the only way I know!
Anon - whoever you are, thanks. I wrote this about a month ago, long before I posted it. I'm now coming to terms with the things that made me write it in the first place.
QQ - No worries :-) Your tag will be taken up. And I promise to reuse the "whistling at the opera" phrase first chance I get!
SS - Eerie! You could bury it, normally I would have too. But I tried talking to the people who mattered, and it helped me heaps.
Its one of those posts which you can relate to a lot, if you have been through this yourself.
In some part or measure all of us sadly have :(
if only I could turn back time :(
(atleast in my case!)
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