Point That Bottle Away From Me!
"Here, let me open that. Of course it's easy. I'll just..."
(pop!!!)
"...Oh my eye! I'm blind!!!!"
How many champagne-swilling morons are there in the US? About 1500. I know that because the American Academy of Opthalmology recently announced that every year one and a half thousand people suffer cork-related eye injuries. You have to wonder about these people. What kind of jackass points a projectile weapon at themselves before pulling the trigger? And just how idle do you have to be to keep count of all these suicidal projectile-pointers?
I'm surprised that none of them have yet made it to the Darwin Awards.
For those who don't know, and can't be bothered to follow the link, the Darwin Awards are a celebration of those who did the human race a favour by removing themselves from the gene pool through sheer spectacular stupidity. Unfortunately for our species, the eye is not a reproductive organ, notwithstanding the fifteen hundred or so people who annually sheepishly confess "I accidentally %@^&ed my own eye with a cork". If it were, then their numbers would have steadily been culled at every Christmas party, every wedding, and at the end of every motor sports event. As it stands, though, they remain monocularly capable of perpetuating the existence of their own kind.
Our only hope is that one day they will all join the NRA and start cleaning their handguns.
5 comments:
Collect your award from my blog!
Do ignore what it's called :P
very funny!
I am sure for every one of "Oh..my eye", there are a few "that nearly got my eye", and empathy between the two groups has prevented them from becoming extinct.
QQ - thanks!
rg - that sounds a little bit like a confession :-)
HAHAHA!!! i wonder if they try to pop the bottle after downing a couple of other bottles! :D
:) fortunately, in matters of alcohol, my senses have been quite supportive. Though there may be other areas where i could go for Darwin awards (usually spouses have a lot to say in this space).
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