There's One In Every Meeting
"That's terrific!!" is not an appropriate thing to say in all situations. It's a perfectly acceptable response to "I'm happy", or "I like tortillas"; but it sounds all wrong as a reply to "We're in a pile of trouble and we don't know how to get out."
You'd think that this would be obvious to any adult. And yet it's a law of human nature that in any business meeting involving eleven or more people, there will be one person who sets everyone else's teeth on edge with just this sort of bloody-minded cheerfulness.
Let me be clear, I like happy people and I like being surrounded by them. If I'm going to work with someone day in and day out then I want them to think positively. But you don't have to prove that you have a positive attitude by talking as if you've been breathing helium.
What follows is a reconstruction based on a true event. The true event was a 3-hour meeting involving me, a Senior Manager (SM), a More Senior Manager (MSM), a hysterically cheerful person whom I shall name Buttercup, and several others who did nothing interesting (SOWDNI).
SM: ...and that's our plan for the short term and the long term.
MSM: You guys have a problem that needs fixing in the next few days.
Buttercup: That's terrific!!
SM gives Buttercup a flat look and turns back to MSM: We appreciate that and we will get back to you with a solution soon.
MSM: You have to; if you don't fix the short term, there will be no long term.
SOWDNI nod at each other intelligently
SM, me and SOWDNI, all in chorus: We understand that, O More Senior Manager. We will work on this urgently and diligently.
Buttercup: That's terrific!!
It is now my turn to give Buttercup a flat look. I wonder whether she's on crack or merely deranged.
SM (trying to pretend that Buttercup does not exist): We'll have an update for you next week.
Buttercup (overcoming SM's attempt to pretend Buttercup is invisible and inaudible): This is so exciting!!
SM and MSM look at each other and nod. MSM pulls a lever and Buttercup falls through a trap door and into a nest of hungry crocodiles. As they close in, Buttercup looks up through the trapdoor at us with an ecstatic smile and yells in a high-pitched voice: Isn't this totally exciting?
The trap door closes over the sounds of crocodiles chewing.
Me: Now that's terrific!!
Author's note: no crocodiles were harmed in the making of this story.
6 comments:
There is always this one character in the Scary Movie/ the Epic movie and other spoofs on similar lines who sounds very much similar to Buttercup. She typically ends up being repeatedly slapped and/ or manhandled.
The other such character is of course Pluto.
I like the SOWDNI bunch. They are so similar to Mirinda's orange boys or more recently the blue boys.
There are more Buttercups in this world than should be rightfully allowed. Can anyone revoke their license?
buttercups were made to be eaten by crocs. maybe this will make the crocs more pleasant?
Fantastic !
and please write more often !! :)
I love Rashyma's comment...though i will not want a world full of chirpy crocs ! hehe.
Beta - yeah, I loved the silent, synchronized nature of the orange men.
QQ - interesting idea; I wonder who the licensing authority would be?
Raysh - I dunno, buttercups sound sweet but might taste funny :-)
WIJG - I try. But sometimes the world is just not interesting.
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